Coming home from the Northeast Unschooling conference, we talked about the conference for most of the drive. While talking about the workshop Even More Different, with Erika Davis-Pitre and Kathryn Baptista, and about how so many unschoolers don’t feel comfortable about telling people they unschool, I realized that unschooling was only a part of why I felt different. I also don’t feel comfortable with the people at home because I have to pretend to be something other than I am to be accepted, and usually I don’t pretend.
So many people are happy to have their children go off to school in the Fall, I've always said that I would miss mine! Parents talk about how awful the teen years are, I love talking with my daughters and their friends! I've heard so many homeschooling parents talk about how hard it is to get their kids to do the assigned work, I say why not just unschool! It makes me different. It doesn't mean I'm not accepted by the people that I know, just that they don't understand where I am coming from, and much of the time I don't understand them!
Everyone has a public face to fit into the “village” they live in, and my public face is not very different from my private face, so I tend to feel that I don't fit in much of the time because I am not hiding my differences. As I read Eli Gerzon’s post (thanks Eli!) I realized that there are probably many unschoolers who feel the same way, especially if unschooling is not their only difference. They unschool, but that's just a word to most people who aren't doing it, not a philosophy. If someone asks what unschooling is, you may start telling them about your philosophy of life if you want to explain unschooling adequately. You can say your children learn at home without a curriculuum, and many people don't want to hear more than that, but if you elaborate you start talking about your values. You talk about respecting children and trusting that they will learn what they need to. That is a foreign concept to most people, and it may make them uncomfortable because they don't trust their children, and they may feel judged by you. If you say you talk with your teens, they may feel guilty that their teens don't talk to them. Other unschoolers don't need these values explained, they share them.
That may be why I felt so comfortable at the conference. The people there might not understand all of what makes me, but they understand enough that I still felt more accepted there than I do anywhere else!
I'll be posting more about the conference as I get it all sorted out in my head, but for now much of it is all jumbled together.
until the next time,
Debbie
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Really enjoyed hanging and talking with you at the conference, have enjoyed chatting since then and enjoyed reading this post! So glad my blog helped inspire yours!
ReplyDeleteIt's been helpful and encouraging talking with you as well. And I too am still sorting out all sorts of thoughts and ideas I got from the conference! I look forward to hearing more of yours....
"You can say your children learn at home without a curriculuum (sic), and many people don't want to hear more than that, but if you elaborate you start talking about your values."
ReplyDelete"That is a foreign concept to most people, and it may make them uncomfortable because they don't trust their children, and they may feel judged by you."
This is the very reason why I honestly don't like having that conversation with people. I don't mind the, "what do you do" & "how do you do", but not the "why do you do what you do" questions. Because to explain why you often make other people feel like shit (which I honestly feel is their hangup) even when you don't mean to & definately aren't trying to.
It was awesome getting to meet you BTW!
Your post strikes a definite chord with me. In friendships with schooly parents, I've felt that I either need to "put on the public face" & not say what I'm really thinking, or say what I think & alienate others. I've lost a few friends that way. Or other times, I've chosen to keep the friendship from becoming too deep. But that either feels fake, or deeply unsatisfying. I hope our family can get to a conference soon! I long for a time when I can be myself!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Debbie! I've had the experience of a few friends reacting weirdly to unschooling. One said something like "Well when I have kids, if I put them in school, are you gonna look down on me?" She also seemed defensive because she enjoyed school, as if I was implying something was wrong with her for liking it. Why do people have to make everything about their own hangups?
ReplyDeleteThen I have to listen to my friends who are in college complain about how much they hate it, but when I suggest they could be doing something else their kneejerk response is "I have to go to college because I want a REAL job". I'm sure in a few years they'll be complaining about their "real jobs" and then insisting they can't quit that either. Meanwhile their real talents and passions die a slow death. That life makes no sense to me. But unschooling seems so natural and logical to me, so I'm puzzled that people have such a hard time grasping it!